There is magic in the air.
Don’t expect me to break out into Disneyesque song and dance, crooning about love and flutters and whimsicality. No – not that kind of magic.
Tonight at midnight marks the start of the Winter Solstice, and a full Lunar Eclipse – only the second time it will have fallen on the same night as the solstice in the past 2000 odd years. It is also the eve of my father’s birth, which I think is magical enough in itself. He was adopted on Christmas Eve when he was just a few days old. The night he was born, a woman who knew nothing of him heard a child crying, and looked for him in the dark. Little did she know she would raise the boy born that particular Winter Solstice, adopting him just a few days later when by surprise, they were given the opportunity to bring home a son.
This was also the woman who bargained with God for my father’s life when he was near fatally hit by a car as a child, offering to give him to God if He would but spare him. Over 26 years of ministry later, he is still living proof that God accepted her terms that night.
When considering adoption within the Ray household all those years ago, it was between my father and a new stove. I, for one, am glad they chose my father. His genuine laugh is one of the best sounds in the entire world, and I know without a doubt that the world is a better place because he exists within it. Sometimes I wonder at the sheer number of lives he’s touched through his work, how many people have been impacted by words he’s so gently and powerfully spoken, things he’s done in the name of Jesus. I hope that one day, I’ll know.
I will go outside in just a few minutes, out into the frigid air to see if I can watch the world grow darker than the darkest night. However, living in Washington, our view may be obscured by the mischievous clouds that keep swirling in front of the full moon. Ryan tried to push them away tonight. We’ll see if it worked.
Christmas is almost upon us. The days are short and the darkness lingers long into the morning, and the temperature has stayed in the 30s all week. This Christmas for my family will be a quiet one; our second holiday of the year spent with just our nuclear family. I’m not sorry, it will be nice to hide away here while planes, trains, and automobiles clog all major routes of transport. For once, we will avoid it all.
I heard rumor of a mall “cracking” tonight from the sheer weight of Christmas shoppers. I gave a chuckle and made one last purchase with a click of my index finger – amazon.com never broke any malls.
We hosted the youth Christmas party at our place downstairs last night. A medium sized gathering, we decorated the large space with a Christmas tree, lights, candles, snowflakes, and lots of food. Our White Elephant game saw 16 gifts changing hands and owners, and I was archaically delighted to find myself the owner of a beautiful china tea set. Never one for much of a poker face, my delight soon turned to dismay when it was stolen based on my reaction. The girl, smiling smugly, barely made it to her seat before my brother’s turn came, and he tromped his way to her chair chanting, “YOU JUST GOT OWNED BY BIG BROTHER” before ripping it from her hands and returning to his seat holding the fine china. As soon as the game ended, I found it in my hands. A tender heart beats beneath that hippie hair and long beard.
Today, we shared a spot of tea over a plate of cookies.
The majority of this day has been spent in quiet solitude. I am continuing to cut my Cymbalta dosage, recently going from full dosage to no dosage, then back to half, now to half every other day. It’s a struggle, and I feel it in the way my head rings like a bell when I move too quickly, the way my eyes are slow to focus, my stomach quick to feel sick. I opted to stay home while the family went out, and attempted to fall asleep on the couch while our dog watched me sleepily from the floor. 2 hours later, I roused to find that I had never quite completely fallen asleep, but zoned out into a somewhat robotic state, hidden beneath a blanket and plagued again by strange “awake” dreams. Time passes strangely when I’m feeling my worst. Slow and fast at the same time. I wanted to snap out of it. I shook myself awake and took the dog outside in my bare feet, knowing that biting air and freezing sidewalk would be just the thing. Though this medication ordeal is a daily struggle, I am still as determined as ever to be done with it. However, if I want to remain functioning, this may take a while.
Oh, this life is a funny thing.
Goodnight.
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